


in which wally west has a crisis (but not like, a Crisis crisis)

by damthosefandoms



Series: Better in Yellow [1]
Category: DCU, Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: Crack, Gen, I'm over it, No Really I'm So Sorry, also i wrote it last spring so some things arent as relevant anymore whoops, anyway now wally was kid flash and No One Knows, but once a titan always a titan or whatever, he's gonna be his own sidekick fuck you justice league, i can't watch jlu knowing wally is the flash but that dick grayson exists as nightwing, maybe Batman does, maybe not, remember that time you see the kf suit as an easter egg, this is a mix of canon headcanon and vine jokes, wally west looks better in yellow that's the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:02:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damthosefandoms/pseuds/damthosefandoms
Summary: In which JLU Wally has had enough of people in the JL not giving him any respect and treating him like a teenage sidekick. Except he WAS a teenage sidekick that one time, so like, if they’re gonna treat him like one, why not just be one again? Who ever said he couldn’t be his own sidekick? And he still has the yellow suit, so what the hell.He always liked the Titans better anyway.He’s also like, 20 years old, and is a fucking mess, as are most college students, so please forgive him for being a dumbass.(none of this is to be taken seriously)
Series: Better in Yellow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798453
Comments: 11
Kudos: 163





	in which wally west has a crisis (but not like, a Crisis crisis)

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i wrote this bc i was bored and didn't want to do an essay last spring and it's been sitting in my google docs so i figured what the hell, i'll post it. 
> 
> the plot is that wally west, aka the flash, used to be kid flash, but became the flash when barry died. the league did not realize this when they formed their team (or maybe batman did, but he's got like ten kids to keep track of, so he didn't say anything). wally used to be a teen titan, and technically still is, so he knows all the titans, especially the og titans really well, because he formed the titans with them. anyway, there's that one line in JLU when Wally says the League treats him like a teenage sidekick, and considering he WAS a teenage sidekick, i can't get over it. and speedy and nightwing and robin all exist in that universe and it's a crime that wally isn't bffs with them, so now he is and this exists. 
> 
> it's supposed to be a joke. but all jokes aside i love this au i made up in my head. anyway don't expect more of this lmao

“You quit the Justice League? Can you even like… do that?”

  
“Maybe? I more just left. Like, I just didn’t go back to the meeting. It was boring anyway. Can we go to Chili’s now?”

  
“Uh, sure?”

It’s safe to say that Dick didn’t expect Wally to come running into Titans Tower at 11:00 AM on a random Tuesday in July, but at this point in his life, Dick was rarely shocked by anything.

Even the sudden appearance of a certain redheaded speedster.

It still wasn’t the weirdest thing to ever happen to him.

But that’s kind of what life is, when your ~~adoptive/not really/I’m pissed at him/he turned me into a child soldier/he’s arguably a furry/”fuck batman~~ ~~”~~ dad is Batman.

So, as all good friends do, they went to Chili’s – even though Dick definitely preferred Red Robin.

Or Batburger. Whatever. Dick figured Tim was probably gonna change his name soon anyway. His contract with Red Robin was ending soon, so they won’t make him be a walking product placement anymore.

* * *

“Wait, okay, so back up. How did this happen, again?” Dick asked, putting down his cheeseburger (which, by the way Chili’s _was_ worth hosting the Dundies because Pam from The Office was right and Dick _definitely_ felt God in this cheeseburger tonight) and looking seriously at his best friend.

“Well, I was sitting there,[ barbecue sauce on my titties](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo9p4Lqaakg)–” 

“Wally.”

“You know I couldn’t help it!” 

Dick threw a french fry at him. 

“Tell me the REAL story.”

  
“Okay, Okay. It–” 

“Okay?”

“Okay. Wait, no, stop, was that a joke about Fault in our Stars?”

“Maybe.”

  
“Do you want to hear this story or not?”

  
“Always.”

“I’m gonna kill you. _ANYWAY_ –”

Wally throws the same french fry back at Dick, and goes on to tell the story.

“So your dad has us stuck in the giant floating tin can in space–” 

“The Watchtower?”

“Yes. And like, you know that scene from Avengers one when Steve and Natasha and Bruce – Bruce Banner, don’t make that face, Dick – you know when they’re first on the helicarrier and Bruce says something like, ‘Really? They want _me_ in a submerged pressurized metal container?’ Well, can I just say _relatable?_ ”

“You hate the watchtower so much you’re gonna hulk out?” 

“You know I’m [ claustrophobic ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsRlQnSVuGk)–”

“What does your fear of Santa Claus have to do with this?”

“Shut _up._ ”

Wally throws _another_ french fry at Dick. This time, it hits him in the face.“Anyway, we’ve been in this stupid meeting for like, seven years–”

“What’s that in normal, non-speedster time?”

“Like, six hours?”

  
“Damn. Bruce never even lectures _Jason_ for that long. Even after the Pit.”

“He must really hate us, then. Although Diana and Clark were totally on a roll too. And most of the league is there, you know, because it’s technically a league meeting, but I keep seeing them all coming and going because they’re allowed to, because they’re not Founders so they’re less important when it comes to contributions and all that, I don’t know, but Bruce lets them go and I mean, remember when I would spam you with texts during driving school cause I was stuck sitting in an uncomfortable metal folding chair for two hours and it made my knees hurt because I couldn’t walk around? This was worse, it felt like my knees were on fire and every time I tried to get up and move someone else at the Founders table would glare at me. Anyway. It was _so_ boring so like, I don’t know, I think I snapped after Bruce mentioned something about ‘any questions?’ and I had to pee really bad anyway so I said, ‘Yeah, can I go to the bathroom? Because I think there’s probably some laws against not letting your employees go to the bathroom and also I think if I don’t go now I’m going to explode and also I don’t care what you say anymore I’m going goodbye.’ and so I left and then I went to the bathroom and then I was gonna go back to the meeting but then I decided ‘No, fuck that, I’m hungry, I wanna go to Chili’s, I should quit the League and go to Chili’s with Nightwing.’ And now we’re here.”

“Sounds like a fun adventure.”

  
“Yeah. Can I have a french fry?”

“No. So did Bruce try to call you yet? No way he’d let you get away with this.”

  
“Dunno. Left my phone at the Watchtower. I was playing Minecraft Pocket Edition with Captain Marvel for most of the meeting, because he was bored too, and we both had the app so we could do multiplayer, but I left my phone on my chair when I went to the bathroom. Hope Billy doesn’t mind that I left the game.”

“I’m sure he’s more jealous that you got out of the meeting.”

  
“Eh. I’ll do his science homework some time to make up for it.”

“Still, I’m pretty sure Bruce is gonna be pissed at you.”

  
“Oh, what’s he gonna do? Lock me in a cell and then only let me out after deciding I need to go stay in another time period for the rest of eternity because I ruined his life by being tricked and manipulated by his worst enemy or whatever?”

  
“[That’s oddly specific](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeAJxJxlDYU).”

“Yeah, well. Anyway, we were building the Hall of Justice in Minecraft. I should show you sometime, it’s really good. Even has the room where Roy left his hat.”

“What hat?”

  
“You know, the one with the [twitter account](https://twitter.com/RedFeatheredCap)?”

  
“What?”

  
“Oh, right, that didn’t happen in this universe. Nevermind.”

“...Can you stop eating my french fries now?”

“No.”

  
“We should’ve gone to Red Robin. They have unlimited french fries.”

“Wait, does Tim still get a discount there?”

  
“Mhmm. That’s why if he changes his name to anything, I think it should be Chili’s.”

  
“Or IHOP. [IHOB](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/07/09/ihop-changes-name-back-ihob/769310002/)? Oh! IHOT–International House of Tim.”

  
“That’s just Wayne Manor, though. Uh, wait. Hey, what if he changes it to McDonalds?”

“I think I’d [ mcfreaking lose it. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-McS-shPz4)” 

“Wait. Wait wait wait. _Wally._ I got it.”

“What?” 

“Sonic.”  
  
“Oh, my god, you win.”

“Wait, no. Del Taco.”

“Is that a two for one?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“[Freshavacado](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZostctHdrs), [avacado thanks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-cavEKkirc).”

  
“Oh, yeah sure. And [free taco.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMdtYZFTvhY)”

“[ Naturally ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg).” 

“Stop quoting Who’s on First.”

“What?”

  
“No, he’s on second.”

  
“I don’t know, I think he’s on third.”

  
“Oh my god–Okay, Wally, look, I don’t give a damn about baseba–”

  
“Wait, damn? You mean the shortstop? I think the  
line is ‘I don’t give a darn–’”

“[You better stop ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lItNYsksvUA)–”

“Another vine?”

“ _Wally._ ”

“Okay, okay, I’m done. Like, seriously, I’m done, and we should probably go back to the tower where Bruce isn’t allowed before he tracks me down and kills me for ditching the meeting.”

“Right. I guess I’m paying?”

“You’re the rich kid.”

“I hate you.”

  
“I love you too!”

* * *

_*EDIT: This was written before they announced Red Robin/Tim’s new name, but anyway: Tim Drake’s new hero name is “Drake.” So he’s not only a Duck (which is apparently something he’s scared of and a dangerous animal), he also literally goes by his last name. What a dumbass. I love him.*_

* * *

An hour later Wally was chilling on the couch in Titans Tower when it suddenly hit him that, oh crap, he really did just quit the Justice League, huh. And he really enjoyed the League when he got to do stuff. Sometimes. 

Something about teammates and found family tropes…

Then the door flew open again and a very familiar voice yelled, “Hey, Scarlet Shithead, you left your phone at the meeting.”

Wally narrowly dodged the small black rectangle as it was thrown with very precise aim at his head, and somehow managed to catch it before it got even more cracked that it already was.  
“Thanks, Roy!”

“Batman is mad at you.”

  
“I assumed so. He’s not allowed in the Tower though. So I think I’m gonna chill here.”

“So he doesn’t kill you?”

  
“Well, he hasn’t killed yet, but I don’t want to be the one that changes his mind.”

  
Dick laughed. “Are you kidding me? When I finally killed the Clown, who, you know, deserved it because of everything he did to Jason, and Barbara, and Tim, and Harley, and like everyone we know, and the entire population of Gotham, and a lot of other people across the world, he brought that freak back to life because _killing is wrong_. I think you’ll be fine.”

  
“Wait, you killed the Joker? What the _hell,_ Dick?”

  
“Like I said, it didn’t last, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“Oooookay then.”

Roy reached into the fridge and pulled out a can of diet coke, and sat down on the couch next to Wally. Wally raised an eyebrow at him.

“Roy, I thought you said you were gonna _stop_ doing cocaine!”

“Wha– _No_ , that was _heroin_ , and I _did_ stop.”

“Well, it’s still–”

“Wally, the joke sucked, drop it.”

“Dick, why do you have to be such a dick?”

“...Do you really want me to answer that?”

“All I’m saying is, you could’ve gone by the nickname Ric–”

Roy choked on his soda. Dick got the biggest grin on his face.

“ _Dick, don’t you dare_ –”

“Hi, I’m Ric Grayson, I’m gonna shave my head and become an uber driver–”

“[Uh, I’ve never been to oovoo javer ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cW-QwnzdI0)–”

“This is like the twentieth time today you’ve quoted a vine, Wally. Are you okay?”

“Dude, I just quit the Justice League, clearly I’m not.”

“Right.”

“What are you gonna do about that?”

  
“Good question. I should probably tell them that I quit.”

“I don’t think that’d go over very well.”

Wally turned to Roy, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you and the other Founders once fight those weird alternate versions of yourselves who tried to take over the multiverse after you quit or whatever?”

  
“I’m pretty sure it was cause I died, but like, yes. I see what you mean. So I won’t quit. But I don’t think they’ll be happy if I stop showing up.”

Dick shrugged. “Just do what Bruce does when the League gets on _his_ nerves. Get a new sidekick and claim you’re busy training them and can’t go. It works every time.”

“A sidekick?”

“Yeah, you know, a sidekick. Like Robin. Or Speedy. Or Aqualad. Or Wonder Girl. Or, you know, _Kid Flash?_ Give some kid your old suit.”

  
“Kid–WAITOHMYGOD. I know what I need to do.”

  
“Wait for your second cousin from the future to time travel back to this year and become your sidekick except not actually your sidekick and to join a team called ‘Young Justice’ with Tim and Clark’s teenage clone who’s also Lex Luthor’s son and the new Wonder Girl who took over after Donna dropped off the face of the Earth for some reason that no one knows, including the three of us and Garth who used to be her best friends?”

“Roy, what–no, I need to go find my old suit and see if it still fits.”

“Wally, what the hell are you planning?”

  
“Well, there aren’t any other speedsters out there, so I can’t have a sidekick fight crime _with_ me, but who ever said sidekicks couldn’t fight crime alone? I mean, clearly it worked when we made the Titans, so like…”

  
“Wally, you’ve had a lot of dumb ideas, but this might be the worst.”

“Nah, it’ll work out. I look better in yellow anyway. The red suit clashes with my hair.”

“Oh my god.”

**Author's Note:**

> then kid flash annoyed the crap out of the justice league and they never even knew it was Wally. the end.
> 
> “flash, you need to tell your sidekick to stop showing up on missions just to bother us and take out the villains before we can, it’s getting annoying” “I told you guys a thousand times that kid flash isn’t associated with me and the name and powers are a coincidence why won’t you believe me”


End file.
